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8 March 2020

Song Mood: I Melt with You by Modern English, because there was a weird vibe going on at the craft beer shop.  
I’m good friends with with the guys who work there.  But sometimes I think one is really teasing me.  Yesterday, it was about body language.  I like to read books about body language like: What Every Body is Saying by Joe Navarro.  There are also a lot of videos and whatnot out there.  
One of my friends did this improve bit, where he pretends to be the girl and does the things I said are a part of the body language thing.  He laughed really hard at this.  So a few the servers from the bar connected to the shop come in.  They make eye contact with me and do other things that are signals.  I think it was because I said I could understand 15% of body language.  I said I can understand it, it doesn’t mean that I actually use it or benefit from it.  Anyway.
Before the little incident.  I had a strong feeling of being invisible.  That I can sit somewhere, like in a restaurant and no one sees me.  And I wait a while for a server to come to me.

I had a little melt down yesterday about my writing.  It is real easy to give up heart.  To not believe in yourself.  I stared at my screen yesterday for a while.  And then I played around the setting on Scrivener.  It can format the manuscript for print.  I’m at 19,000 words and for a print for a 5.08 by 8 paperback, it’s only 62 pages, give or take for title pages and whatnot.  What I’m not realizing is that 19,000 words is a little over half of 36,000.  What I need to do is write out the final battle scene.  Start the next project and then work on what I had planned before to add in description.
What is happening is that I’m putting a lot of pressure on myself.  I’m being extra hard on myself and what I need to back off a bit.  I need to stand back a few paces and get more perspective.  Most of all, I just need to have faith in what I’m doing.

So there I am.  I just need to relax a bit.  Sit down and breath a bit.  Write out a list of things to do.  And then figure things out from there.  I’m going to post some articles that I had posted before when I had wordpress about writing.  I just need to believe that things will work out eventually.


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14 March 2020

It’s been a long day.  I woke up at 4:30am, hungry.
I went to Walmart to do the weekly grocery shopping.  I went to the lake.  I didn’t go out really.  Tomorrow will much of the same.
I didn’t get much of anything done, except for getting groceries and exercise.
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