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3 July - 4 July 2021

 Song mood: Tear in My Heart by twenty one pilots.

Every now and them, you come across somebody and you say, wow, they get it. And it makes you think that other people might get it too.


I watch these videos by this one woman on Tik Tok. Most of the videos are comedic, but there was this one video that was real serious. It was written as an apology and I thought I’d share the lyrics. To me, the words along with the way they were presented were beautiful:


You shouldn’t be afraid to go outside

Color shouldn’t matter because inside

We are flesh, we are bones

We are fighting the unknown

I’m raising my hands saying you are not alone.


Every time I watch this, I go wow, this person really gets it. I was touched because I think, someone understands my struggle. I know the song wasn’t written for me, but I feel better about the world because there is someone out there who does understand my struggle. She’s not the only one who understands. There are others who understand. 

Sometimes I forget that when I’m going through my issues. I do have a chip on my shoulder. From past experiences of growing up in a town of two thousand that had a total of ten minorities. People treated me different. And not always in a good way. Anyway.


The trip to Kansas City was good. I enjoyed going to the museum. Water Lilies by Monet was my favorite. There were around six Monet’s at the museum. A few Manet’s and one Rembrant. In the next few days I will select which works of art I will use for poems. I maybe took pictures of 150 works of art before the battery on my phone died.


Sometimes crappy things happen to you. Or, in this reference, to me. Enough crappy things push me to start looking in different directions. And I come up with the same answers, just seen in a different light. It’s like I’m in this hell. I’m trying to get out. But, the crappy things happen. So I look for ways to get out of this hell.

Then I stumble on this profile of someone who gets it. Life is hard. It’s difficult. We’re going to need all our strength. If one person gets it, there’s bound to be other people who get it. It’s someone who sits across from me at a writer’s group. It’s the barista who talked with me about art while we’re waiting for the espresso shot to be finished. It’s the friend that I have been waiting for.

So, I will continue to work on my mystery novella and go from there. Tomorrow, or rather today, I will hang out with family. I will smile, I will nod, I will make polite conversation. I will do my thing because that’s the only thing I really know how to do.

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